Voice of Bruck News Service

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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

(Don't) Get Out the Vote!

The midterm elections are right around the corner - have you decided on the candidates and the issues? Are you a Republican? Are you a Democrat? Independent? Green? Red? Have you determined how you're going to use your hard-won suffrage to influence the future of our country and society? Well good for you! But do me a favor, stay home, okay? I would like to respectfully request that everybody in the United States, starting with faithful readers of the VOBNS, not vote.


Yes, you heard me right, don't vote. Your vote won't matter anyway! And besides, it will just be cancelled out by vote fraud. What difference will one vote make? Elections are never decided by one vote - usually the difference is in at least the thousands! Yes, I know there are occasional elections that get decided on a single vote, but hey, if you're feeling that lucky, go buy a lottery ticket instead. Look, Pollyanna, all the elections are rigged anyway - they're controlled by special interests that don't represent yours. Besides, think of all the cool things you could do in the time you save by not voting...


Watch TV, read a book, take a walk, learn to cook, make a list, check it twice, feed the cat, eat some rice. Call a bomb threat at the park, go skinny-dipping after dark, play some cards, rock the boat, whatever you do, just please don't vote! Play some boards, hit the bricks, shoot some pool, pick up chicks, pump some iron, buy some gas, go to the polls, but drive right past. Paint your nails, fry an egg, buy some clothes, don't make me beg, ski the Alps, buy a goat, just don't water down my vote!


Okay??? Now go out there next Tuesday and do the right thing and don't vote!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Boycott Winchester, VA

We took two days to drive to VA from MI when we moved here with our short-term personal belongings and heavy stuff that we didn't want to get charged extra for. The first day was mainly in OH, which is to say uneventful. I wasn’t sure if the prohibition on concealed firearms in the turnpike service centers applied to me so just to be safe I decided it didn’t.

We stayed overnight at the Comfort Inn in Washington, PA. Clean, comfortable rooms, pool, cable TV, the Chinese restaurant delivered, nothing stolen.

On the second day, we took what appeared to be the short way – 68 thru MD. This may or may not have been the short way but it certainly was the hard way – very mountainous; the van had trouble getting up the hills, pulling its own weight plus a fully-loaded full-size U-Haul trailer. Going down hills felt a little unstable as well, from the trailer pushing the van. It was a very scenic route; I would recommend it to anyone driving during daylight and not pulling a trailer. Another plus is fewer big rigs to contend with - they don't much like the hills either.

It was a relief to get off of 68 and start driving normally again, as normal as one can get driving a full-size van pulling a large, overfilled U-Haul. Try driving your car using only the first 10% of accelerator travel, you’ll see what I mean.

Aside from the difficulty of maneuvering through the mountains, the only other problem we had was off of highway 81 in the town of Winchester, VA. There was a sign for a “Welcome Center” before getting to Winchester. Actually there were several signs for it. Use exit 13, they all said. The significance of the fact that they were indicating which exit to use prior to several exits preceding it did not register with me at the time. Great, I thought, a quick stop off the highway, easy-off easy-on, use the facilities, pick up a map, not waste much time, keep rolling. WRONG! I couldn’t have been more mistaken. Now mind you, there were several other places I could have stopped for a hygiene break right off the highway at exit 13, but the coordinates for Welcome Center were already dialed in, and that’s where (I thought) we were going.

The Welcome Center sign on the highway said go right after the exit so I did. But immediately thereafter I saw neither Welcome Center nor further sign. Shortly we were out of the “off-the-highway” section and in town. Just when I was ready to concede that I had missed it, there was another welcome center sign pointing right. By now I was getting pretty irritated that I had been wrong in my assumption that this Welcome Center would be like EVERY OTHER WELCOME CENTER I'VE EVER VISITED AND BE SOMEWHERE NEAR THE HIGHWAY! This irritation was compounded by the growing pressure in my lower abdominal area, which I had assumed, now incorrectly, that I would be relieving soon.

Following the guidance of the blue sign, I was now headed right up the main drag of the small town of Winchester, VA, in my full size van and overloaded trailer in tow, with Mrs. Bruck following in a well-loaded car directly behind. About 1.5 miles after the last turn I spotted a sign for a welcome center. I was just about to pull in, in fact I did a little, when I noticed another blue Welcome Center sign beckoning me further in the direction I was going (north, btw, getting pretty close to one of the other exits I could have taken). I'm not sure what the welcome center that attempted to persuade me to turn right was, but it was clearly not the one we were after. In the process of my equivocation, I narrowly avoided exchanging paint with another driver, no doubt also in search of the elusive Welcome Center.

At this time I was feeling some relief at knowing I was still on track to the Welcome Center, but a wave of profound aggravation was washing over me, at the prospect of being dragged miles (at least 3 so far) out of my way, through a crowded town driving a difficult vehicle, with growing intestinal pressure. I continued a mile or two more to the north, and by now we were well out of the downtown area of Winchester, and driving by things like neighborhoods, cemeteries, and tractor dealerships. All the while, Mrs. Bruck and I were scanning the perimeter for a welcome center which never materialized. At the point when I realized that there was no Welcome Center, or if there were, I wasn't going to find it, I was pretty much in a white hot rage at being dragged through a small, crowded town driving a fully loaded van and trailer, with intestines that were starting to get painful. I swore at the time that if I ever did visit the Winchester, VA Welcome Center, it would be to torch the place.

No no no! I didn't mean that literally! I'm not really going to burn down the Welcome Center then hunt down anyone involved with it and make them die a slow painful death just to ensure that whoever devised the hideous scheme for dragging hapless motorists off the highway and through their worthless town pays for their transgressions in tears and blood! I wouldn't dream of it! But I would ask faithful VOBNS readers to join me in boycotting the entire town of Winchester, VA, not spending a nickel in any of its businesses, not associating with any of its inhabitants, and speaking ill of it at every opportunity.

Boycott Winchester, VA!

Epilogue: I did finally make it back to the highway, several miles north of where I was lured off, and near the entrance managed to relieve my intestinal pressure at a gas station / convenience store aptly named "Sheets," which I think is a Mexican word.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Why the new look?

Bcs the old template wasn't readable under Netscape, at least my version. Let me know if you have any trouble reading this one.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Update on FM Radio in DC

Theres a very clever show on in the evening on 94.7 - a guy named Weasel presents historical documentaries and commentary on rock groups, giving background on songs and groups, then playing the songs. Very good show - usually. Last night he was doing Alice Cooper, who was at one time neighbors and buddies with Pat Boone. So they played Alice's "No More Mr. Nice Guy," one of his bigger hits, followed by the Pat Boone version. Aaaaaggggghhhh! I was looking around in the car for something sharp to poke out my eardrums with, when it occurred to me to just change the station.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Saviour God-Scientific Allah Breakfast Nachos

Ingredients:
Eggs - 1.5 to 2 large eggs per person recommended
Loose Sausage - one tube, spicy, optional.
Corn chips - one bag
White cheese - queso fresco recommended
Refried beans - medium sized can
Salsa and/or taco sauce
Spices - see below
Jalapenos
Avocado
Olives - black and green
Onions
Tomatoes
Whatever else you like in nachos
I hope you're hungry!

On the morning of Thursday, April 20th, 2006, a 15-month-old toddler named Saviour God-Scientific Allah fell to his death from a seventh-story window of a high-rise apartment building in Southfield (near Detroit), Michigan. The child was the son of Jennifer Holmes and Andrew Pitts, who were purportedly in the apartment during the mishap, along with five other children and one other adult.

Basically, breakfast nachos are similar to regular nachos, but with eggs instead of meat. The key to success is in the preparation of the eggs. I like to scramble them with milk and various spices including: cilantro, salt, pepper, chili powder, powdered chipotle pepper, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, green tabasco sauce, and dried onions. This is basically a scaled-down and Mexicanized version of my regular style of scrambled eggs, the recipe for which I may share with you if you're good. Cook them until they're fairly solid but not hard. Meanwhile, heat up the beans but not all the way.

Make a layer of corn chips on a large plate, then cover with beans, then a thin layer or pieces of the scrambled eggs, and sprinkle on the sauces and dicings of the aforementioned produce. Cover all this with a layer of grated or diced cheese. You can make two layers like this, or just one, depending on how thick you made the first layer or how many ingredients you have left over. I prefer to leave the tomatoes and avocados separate, then add them to the finished product at the end (they don't cook well).

Preheat the oven to about 350 F. Meanwhile, nuke the nachos for a few minutes, just to get everything warm inside. Then bake at 350 for 5 or 10 minutes to restore some of the crispiness that the microwave took away. Ready to serve!

The death was officially ruled an accident. Supposedly, the toddler was being supervised by either one or two 7-year-old children in the bedroom (news accounts differ), and had to be retrieved from the windowsill at least once prior to the fall. According to one story, the child in charge of supervision went to tell the parents about Saviour climbing on the sill, and when he returned, Saviour was gone, along with the window screen.

You might be wondering what to do with the sausage. I invented the recipe during Lent 2006, which ended on Easter Sunday, April 16th, a few days before the demise of Saviour God-Scientific Allah. During the '06 Lenten season, I gave up meat. During this time, with the help of Mrs. Bruck, I explored and invented all kinds of ways to take in high-calorie, high-fat meals without substantial sacrifice on the part of any member of the animal kingdom. There are a number of things that can substitute for meat, as long as you calibrate your expectations appropriately. Among them are eggs, textured vegetable protein, falafel, and tofu. So breakfast nachos were one of the Lenten inventions, and sausage was not an original part of them. However, following the end of Lent and my return to carnivorous ways, I tried the recipe with sausage. It added a dimension, but like I say, it's optional. If you do choose to use sausage, fry it up first, breaking it in small pieces, then cook the eggs in the sausage grease, and add the loose sausage to the nacho layers along with the eggs.

Shortly after their tragic loss, the parents filed a $50M lawsuit against the apartment managers for negligence, claiming that repeated attempts to get the management to fix the screen had failed, and the toddler's death resulted. The management claimed that all windows and screens in the building had locks and were up to code. I don't have any more information on the lawsuit, but my general sense of the public opinion at that time is that the parents were to blame due to improper supervision, and filing a lawsuit made them look even more inept and irresponsible.

Pitts was quoted in the (Royal Oak, Michigan) Daily Tribune: "I look at my baby as being my Almighty, my Lord and Savior. I want my son back. Anger ain't going to bring him back."

So a couple of weeks after the invention of the superbly tasty and satisfying breakfast nachos, Mrs. Bruck was musing on how good they had been. "What should we call them?" I asked.
Her reply: "Well, the name Saviour God-Scientific Allah is no longer in use."

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Update on "Uniforms"

I just about busted a gut when I saw this - a big, tough-looking guy walking down the hall in camos (either army or marines - I can't tell them apart unless they're next to each other), carrying a Lord and Taylor shopping bag.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

FM in DC

Many American cities claim to be the “home of rock and roll,” some with more plausibility than others. But that distinction is not, and will never be, held by our nation’s capital, Washington DC. DC is known for many things – politics, crime (sorry if I’m being redundant), history, culture, interns, etc., but leadership in pop music, that’s definitely “outside the beltway.” Waaaayyyy outside. Of course DC could be a sleeper, I mean strange things happen, right? Who would have ever thought that drowsy, drippy Seattle would be a progenitor of the hardcore cutting edge neurotic culture and self-mutilation of the 90’s? But I digress...

Detroit is Bruck’s home city, and while it’s no LA or New York, Detroit definitely holds its own for home-grown acts that made the big time. Granted, geographical attribution means less and less these days as pop music radio and the entire pop media industry become ever more nationalized, franchised, politicized, genericized, beaten into submission, chewed up, spat out, sucked dry, stripped of any actual creativity, stuffed with every perversion and sickness that the media moguls could conjure in their twisted minds, to where turning on a music video channel is pretty much the same as getting doused by Satan’s enema bucket, okay, sorry, I’m digressing again. Anyway, Detroit definitely pulls its weight in the pop music category: Bob Seger, Kid Rock, Eminem, Motown, Madonna (barf, spew). Okay, sorry about Madonna. I, Bruck would like to take this opportunity on behalf of the entire state of Michigan to apologize for Madonna. At least Paris Hilton isn’t from Detroit!

Detroit’s FM dial usually has at least one actual rock station, and at least one “classic rock” station, and they’re usually not too terribly bad. I don’t want to dwell on Detroit radio too much, other than to point it out for comparison purposes. Their rock station, WRIF, 101.1, has been pretty good over the years, but has gotten kind of dark and creepy (goth influence?) for the last couple. Detroit’s classic rock station, WCSX, 94.7, is pretty standard, a little too much Baba O’Reilly and China Grove, but other than that, you have a pretty good chance of finding something listenable. Numerous rock stations that have come and gone over the years, most recently departing a somewhat strange format rock station whose callsign escapes me, but was on 106.7 FM – their format claimed to be everything you loved in the 80’s, 90’s, and 70’s, but was actually everything that gave you a headache in the 80’s, 90’s, and 70’s. White Snake, Poison, Van Halen, etc. Every now and again they slipped up and played something good, so I kept them on a preset. Oh yes, there’s also an “alternative” rock station from Windsor (Canadian city across the river from Detroit) on 88.7. The kids like it.

So… what have we got in DC? The usual you’d expect on the FM dial – all the popular genres, plus about six public stations. Less country than one would expect for the home of Robert E. Lee. They do have 3 or 4 Christian music stations, which I find encouraging, except that they all play the same music and it’s cheeeeeezy, so I can’t listen to it too much. Rock stations: 94.7 is their classic rock station, and 101.1 is their rock station, just like Detroit. 94.7 is pretty much the same as Detroit’s, and ditto for 101.1, except DC’s 101.1 is about 30% more vulgar and 45% less clever. But the really funny DC station is “Big 100.3.” They call themselves a classic rock station but I think they should qualify all such statements with the disclaimer: “…that your grandmother would also enjoy.” I do give them credit for breaking the mold somewhat, and playing softer rock, nothing wrong with that, but let’s call it what it is: mellow old songs that you used to hear on your older sister’s turntable – Elton John, Boz Scaggs, Meatloaf, Van Morrison, Hall & Oates, and not a whole lot of AC/DC, Foghat, or Aerosmith. What really kills me is their claim of airing “the greatest rock and roll of all time” followed by something that you just heard at the dentist’s office.

Actually, I think I spend more time on 100.3 than the other FM stations – they do play some very listenable and singalongable tunes. They can get a little repetitive, though, like I heard “Peaceful Easy Feeling” three evenings in a row once on my way home from work.

There are quite a number of things I miss about living in the Detroit area, but I was surprised to find that broadcast FM radio would be one of them! “Thanks for keeping it on the new Big 100.3 where we play the greatest rock and roll of all time… … …It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday…”