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Friday, November 14, 2008

Bruck's Picks, NFL Week 11

Weathermen and sports commentators - two occupations where you can be wrong over half the time and not get fired! Where do I apply? Bruck's picks for key games in week 11:

Cowboys vs. Redskins

For those of us born in the Politically Incorrect generation, this game will be the culmination of our perennial childhood game, Cowboys and Indians. The cowboys always won, of course, and will this weekend as well. By at least 7. And for our Idaho readers, "Redskin" is slang for American Indian, not a variety of potato. Here's one for the research department: are there any real Redskins, i.e., card-carrying American Indians, on the Washington Redskins? I bet the answer is no. Not a whole lot of Caucasians either.

Ravens vs. Giants

Giants by 14 or more. I mean really, how can you take a team seriously whose mascot is a carrion bird? Eagles or falcons, now there are a couple of birds that command respect. Even penguins are more intimidating than ravens. What were they thinking?

Titans vs. Jaguars

There's a toughie - I wouldn't want to be caught in a dark alley with either of these. Jaguar is one of the toughest and fastest members of the cat family, while a Titan, well, I don't honestly know what a Titan is, but I'm pretty sure it's some sort of large, powerful mythological creature. Since fear of the unknown always trumps fear of the known, Titans by 5.

Chargers vs. Steelers

A charger could be a battle horse, a credit card purchaser, a device for restoring the juice in a battery, a large platter, or a hockey player who executes a particular form of illegal checking. A bit ambiguous, no? Meanwhile, I've always like the Steelers' uniforms. Steelers by 3.

Bears vs. Packers

Packer in this case means meat packer, red meat being a pillar of the Green Bay economy and local culture. I once met a vegetarian who had previously lived in Green Bay. Finding social acceptance, let alone a good meal, in Green Bay proved a substantial challenge. Bears, on the other hand, are fearsome and voracious omnivores whom people with livestock blood on their sleeves would do well to beware. Bears by 9.

Vikings vs. Buccaneers

If ever a game should be played out on the open sea, it's this one. Here we have a historic, well-organized, and exceedingly brutal naval force battling against wily pirates who honed nautical guerilla warfare to an art form. In a pitched battle, the Vikings would win hands down, but that's not how Buccaneers operate. So I'm flipping a coin… and the winner is… Buccaneers, no margin.

Lions vs. Whoever They Are Playing.

Here's another one for the research department: Why are the Lions' team colors blue and silver? Shouldn't they use some derivative of actual lion colors? Whoever They Are Playing by 21.

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