Rhymes with Organ

The Exquisite Mrs. Bruck (EMB) and I spent this year’s President’s Day weekend not buying a discounted mattress. We also did not avail ourselves of the occasion to order siding or replacement windows, nor did we exploit any other blowout, extravaganza, blockbuster, or holiday madness. Instead, we did the next best thing to honor our greatest president George Washington, and other presidents  whose birthdays landed in mid- to late-February, including Abraham Lincoln, by taking a self-guided North Carolina BBQ tour.

“Self-guided” is the operative term here, as in next time we’ll know what we’re doing. The first thing we discovered was that President’s Day weekend is not the ideal weekend to cruise BBQ joints in NC, as everything is closed that Monday. We also discovered that the conventional western weekend (Sat-Sun) is not the best timing. Either due to observance of the traditional Christian sabbath, or to maximize the ability to enjoy professional football, everything’s closed on Sunday in northern NC. The Muslim weekend (Fri-Sat) would have afforded more opportunity to enjoy BBQ, or for that matter, would any other sequence of days not including Sunday or a national holiday. Nonetheless, we did manage to hit a variety of southern cooking establishments, and a surprisingly comprehensive pork dispensary, which I’ll describe in excessive detail anon, but first I’ll cover a few of your basic questions.

1) Why do a BBQ tour?

A few years ago, the EMB and I read an impressive volume on the subject of southern BBQ and the diverse and geographically disperse purveyors thereof. It wasn’t impressive enough for me to remember its title or author, but it was impressive nonetheless. We decided at the time that we needed to experience it firsthand, by embarking on a tour of smoky establishments. Life got complicated for a while, but we finally got around to it this year.

2) Why NC BBQ?

Because NC is a lot closer to VA than Kansas City, Memphis, OK, Austin, etc., plus, we dig the NC style(s). Flip side, why not tour VA BBQ joints? Well, we’ve already done our share of that. Results: none of the chain BBQ restaurants are noteworthy, and some of the independent places are pretty good. However, I would say their pretty-goodness is proportional to how well they duplicate the NC style. The VA style, if you could call it that, is basically just a variety of sauces that smother the meat flavor.

3) When did you figure out that Jussie Smollett was lying?

Within half a second of reading the first paragraph of the first article I read on the subject. How long before you figured it out?

4) How did you plan your trip?

 

The BBQ volume we read indicated that Lexington BBQ in Lexington, NC was particularly good and fairly established, so we made that the “destination,” and planned the rest of the trip around it. Since our time was limited, we hit one other well-reputed BBQ place, Wilber’s in Goldsboro, prior to which we did some pork shopping at Nahunta Pork Center in Pikeville. We were planning on a 2^nd day, but, as mentioned above, that would have been Sunday and everything was closed.

5) Why is pig appendix sausage called Tom Thumb?

No idea, but I agree that it’s not particularly appetizing.

The pic to the right is sliced Tom Thumb frying in a pan according to its traditional preparation method.

OK, enough with the fake interview questions.

A parallel quest to sampling real NC BBQ was finding real country ham. Country ham is probably not the ham you’re used to – it’sdry/salt-cured and aged on the bone, as opposed to the conventional sweet/wet-cured variety that you likely had last Easter. It’s actually difficult to find real country ham, but our friend CBA (not his real name) pointed us to Nahunta in Pikesville (https://www.nahuntapork.com/), which is near his parents’ home town. We had to get up a little early, as we noted that Nahunta closed at 3:00 pm on Saturday, and was closed Sunday.

Check out Nahunta’s website, and specifically, take a look at its offerings. We bought some:

-          Country ham (a variety of cuts, not the whole leg)

-          Country ham end slices (somewhat richer flavor)

-          Country ham trimmings (good for seasoning beans or collards)

-          Cracklings (next best thing to original sin)

-          A Tom Thumb (had to. Just had to)

-          Souse (vinegar-based head cheese)

-          Liver pudding

-          About 16’ of semi-dry sausage (yes, feet)

We did not buy:

-          Spleen

-          Brown skins

-          Fresh pig head

We also picked up an order for our friend CBA, a subset of the above minus the exotic items.

Not too far from Pikesville is Wilber’s BBQ, or rather, was. Wilber’s closed recently, making us among their last customers, historically speaking. It had been in business since 1962 and went out of business about two weeks ago. We had lunch there after shopping at Nahunta. It was definitely old-school, and offered a wide variety and generous portions for low prices. I had deep fried liver while the EMB had chopped BBQ. Both were quite nice, but alas, none of us is getting any more of it any time soon. I hope they can work something out to get back in business, because I seriously doubt their creditors know how to run a BBQ restaurant.

Wilber’s BBQ was of the eastern NC variety, which is “whole hog” and has a vinegar-based sauce with a little hot pepper thrown in. Lexington BBQ, on the other hand, where we dined that evening, has more of a western NC style, which is pork shoulder (front thigh, y’all) with a vinegar/ketchup-based sauce, also somewhat spicy.

Lexington is a couple hours’ drive west of Goldsboro, which passed uneventfully. Coincidentally, the illustrious Mr. Smollett was being indicted for a number of infractions including lying to investigators. The preceding weeks had seen an outpouring of sympathy from his compatriots in politcs and media while those of us not completely drawn in by the post-truth culture watched knowingly as his story unraveled.

Mr. Smollett’s legal process has apparently concluded at this time with the dropping of state charges, the dual justice system being alive and well in Chicago, and the media outlets and personalities that supported him have moved on, understandably unwilling to discuss it any further. But what doesn’t get much play is the fact that Mr. Smollett, in contriving a fake hate crime against himself, perpetrated one against the very people he was accusing, namely supporters of President Trump, and in at least one version of his story, white people. He was also perfectly happy to let two innocent people take the rap for his fake attack, up to the point of learning that the police’s “persons of interest” were in fact the Nigerian brothers he had hired. In other words, Mr. Smollett attempted to smear Trump supporters as homophobic, racist, and violent, in accordance with the caricature created and perpetuated by the conventional media, entertainment and editorial establishments, and strident political partisans.

Notwithstanding the laughably preposterous fantasy that white Trump supporters in a ritzy section of Chicago would even exist, let alone attack a gay, black actor as an expression of their support for the President in the middle of the coldest night of the year, the places we visited in NC were what I would call actual “Trump Country” – rural, working class, racially diverse, no apparent outward political affiliations, friendly, helpful, outgoing, you get the picture. Even with our somewhat diluted northern accents, we encountered nothing but genuine southern hospitality.

Exhibit A: Great customer service and a free BBQ sandwich at Nahunta.

Exhibit B: Great food and customer service at Wilber’s and Lexington BBQ.

Exhibit C: The waitress at Cagney’s Kitchen in Lexington, where we had breakfast on Sunday morning (with Joel Osteen on the TV, LOL), informed that they had no peanut butter when I asked. Over my protestations, she had her husband run out and get some for me! She got a good tip.

So I’m thinking, how could Mr. Smollett get it so wrong? Answer: intersectionality. Being a wealthy, politically-connected, youngish,  gay black Hollywood actor living in an upscale section of a large American city, he’s probably never personally encountered a Trump supporter. And, due to same intersectionality, he probably believes in the violent, racist, ignorant, craven media caricature of Trump supporters. When you consider the narrow little bubble he lives in, his actions almost make sense.

With the state charges dropped, Smollett’s legal troubles may or may not be over. The FBI is considering charges based on the powder-laced hate letter he mailed himself, and the City of Chicago is considering a lawsuit to recover wasted police resources. Personally, I don’t expect much to come of these, dual justice system and all. But if I were the judge, I’d give him 5 years’ probation, to be spent in Davidson County, NC, where he would be required to:

• Live there full time,
• Get a job (outside of the entertainment field),
• Attend church,
• Participate in civic/community activities, and
• Stay out of social and any other form of media.

And oh yes, I almost forgot, formally apologize to all Trump supporters and the Chicago Police.