The Waltonian

Walter is Walter.

Of the thousands and thousands of people I've met in this world, near home and around the globe, I believe that Walter is one of the very few who simply is who he is.

How many of you have heard of the J-Pole? One at a time, please. Any guesses as to what it is? Alright, I'll break the suspense. It's a vertically-polarized omnidirectional 2-meter antenna. Feel better now? 2 meters is the amateur radio band that covers 144 to 148 Mhz. This band is named after the approximate wavelength for that frequency range, and is used mainly for local communications. For reference porpoises, your FM radio receives in the FM broadcast band which covers approx. 88 to 107 Mhz (3 meters, BTW). The J-Pole is a popular antenna among hams as it is one you can buld yourself, entirely from ½" copper pipe and fittings. It's called the "plumber's dream" for this reason. I'm picturing a plumber waking up in the morning and saying, "Honey, I had that dream again, you know the one about making an antenna out of ½" copper pipe? I've got a meeting with the boss today - do I have any clean lowriders?"

You can also construct a J-Pole from 300 ohm parallel feedline (the kind of wire you used to connect the rabbit ears to the TV back in the Pleistocene era). That version called the hotel room J-Pole because you can use it to call the police when OJ breaks in to try to get his stuff back, I mean you can roll it up and put it in your suitcase for a convenient antenna to use while traveling on business.

There's also the Super J-Pole, which is a variant of the Plumber's Dream. The Super J has an additional element added on to the long leg of the J, connected via a hairpin coupler with a 270 degree curve in it. Just look at the picture, okay? This purportedly adds another couple dB of horizontal gain. In case you're wondering how the concept of "gain" applies to an omnidirectional antenna, think of the antenna as a point in the middle of a round balloon, and the surface of the balloon represents how far the antenna's transmissions can reach. Adding gain is like squashing the balloon vertically to make its sides bulge out. So you can reach further out horizontally at the expense of diminished effectiveness in the vertical direction. No big loss, as the geese and sparrows don't talk on 2 meters anyway. Why this works is a whole nuther story. I hold bachelor's and master's degrees in electrical engineering (go Blue), and have been an amateur radio operator for over 10 years, yet any antenna more complicated than a half-wave dipole is still black magic to me. So really, it's not you.

Walter (or "Valtah" as we occasionally call him in honor of Andy, another local ham who sports a pronounced Austrian accent) has been officially unemployed for as long as I've known him. Prior to my meeting him, he purportedly was a contract engineer doing statistical analysis, so he's no dummy, but for the duration of our acquaintance, he's subsisted on odd jobs, thrift, and self-sufficiency. He lives alone, last I've heard, but he has a daughter, and presumably an ex-wife somewhere as well. But I guess it would not be quite accurate to say he lives alone - actually he has, or at least had, a cat, plus dozens of antique radios.

The Super J-Pole took on a new name among our ham radio buddies in the northern Detroit suburban area. There, it's called the xxJ-Pole (I'm not indicating what xx is, as that would give away his callsign, which would provide means for positively identifying Walter; I studiously avoid identifying my subjects without their permission here in the VOBNS). This came about as a result of an "antenna party" that some of the local radio club fellows had at Walter's house, in which they mass-produced a number of Super J-Poles. I did not attend, but bought one specimen for the price of the parts, which was about $20. I made quite a lot of contacts with it. I gave it away, as I did with most of my antennas prior to moving to the Washington, DO area. "Scratchy" is the current proud owner of same.

So picture this - a relatively modest 3-bedroom ranch house, with every shelf, table, and counter in every room filled with antique radios, most of which actually work. What you're picturing is the ad hoc museum we affectionately call The Waltonian. And Walter can tell you about each one of them. Unfortunately, you'll have to take my word for it, as the Waltonian is not open to the public, particularly that part of the public that's with a collection agency.

We love to categorize people, don't we? We categorize ourselves too, for that matter. Usually we use occupations or professions, but also we tend to use belief systems and sometimes hobbies or sports. He's a dentist, she's a teacher, I'm an engineer, he's a Christian, she's a Hindu, he's a golfer, you get the picture. And for better or worse, our categories tend to drive who we really are, rather than the other way around. Do first grade teachers dress that way because they're first grade teachers, or do people who happen to dress that way generally tend toward the profession of teaching first graders? It's usually only at a funeral when we put all the pieces together, and then what do we have? A well-understood, properly-categorized corpse! Anyway, Walter never explicitly said to me, "Bruck, quit categorizing people; just appreciate them for who they are." But although he probably doesn't even realize it, this is one of the many things he showed me. How? Just by being himself, and perhaps partially by not having the same job for more than six months at a time. He also showed me how to construct a 6-meter beam (unidirectional horizontally-polarized antenna for the 50-54 Mhz amateur radio band) from an old TV antenna. Old TV antennas are log-periodic dipoles, BTW; in case you ever wanted to know how a TV antenna can receive signals over such a wide range of frequencies, there's your answer. It's all a moot point anyway, since by now, most of you who dwell in the TV matrix use cable or satellite for your daily programming.

So, you're probably thinking, okay, that J-Pole is a cool antenna, so much so that I am taking off of work early today to go study for my ham radio license, so I too can use one, but… why 2-meters only? Couldn’t the same concept be scaled up or down to work on 6 meters, or even the 220 or 440 Mhz bands? The answer is yes, but we don't recommend it. Instead, just try to see people for who they really are, and thereby start tearing down the walls of that categorical prison you've spent your life constructing for them and yourself. Freedom!

Salt

You may remember a VOB column from March of last year, in which we explored the age-old question, how long would it take to consume 400 pounds of salt? It turned out to be a bit less than a lifetime supply for a person with a typical level of sodium consumption, or enough for five people for life, with the minimum consumption level. But, you wonder, how long does that amount of salt last in the water softener. Well, just the other day I poured the last 80-pound bag into the salt hopper, so about 10 months.

A number of VOB readers has suggested that I comment on the inauguration of our new president. I was sitting in my living room a short while before the actual oath of office was administered when a bird hit the window. It didn't die, though; it just flew away.

Good News from the Future!

Being as how at least eight of my approximately fifteen readers are from the Detroit, MI area, I thought you might be interested in reading the transcript of a WJR news broadcast from Tuesday, December 12th, 2012, which I intercepted on my shortwave receiver (broadcasts from the future come in every evening, pending favorable ionospheric conditions, on 17.145 Mhz, upper sideband, 0200-0300 GMT weekdays, 0200-0400 weekends). In a recent column, I related my insider/outsider perspective on the state of the MI economy, based on observations and conversations I had during my holiday visit there. Hopefully my faithful readers will be encouraged by this brief peek into the future:

…statewide, retail sales figures are up as the holiday season gets into full swing. Governor Bowman's office reports that unemployment in Michigan is at an all-time low, with 22,000 new manufacturing jobs created in November following the opening of the new Chevy Truck plant in Riverview. GM CEO Kirk Maltby projects a 17% increase in vehicle sales for the upcoming model year, and reports a seventh straight profitable quarter. Meanwhile, Ford Motor Company also reports a sales increase, and has regained its position as the world's #2 automaker, according to CEO and president Chris Chelios.

Detroit Mayor Tomas Holmstrom will be delivering his 3^rd state-of-the-city address tomorrow night; we will carry the exclusive broadcast right here on your flagship station WJR. The mayor will announce interim replacements for the four city council members convicted last month on bribery and racketeering charges. His short list is expected to include Henrik Zetterberg and Niklas Kronwall, and possibly Brad Stuart. Detroit Schools Superintendent Chris Osgood will follow the mayor with comments of his own, on the second straight year of double-digit increases in standardized test scores, and steady growth in high school graduation rates.

Police chief Niklas Lidstrom would like to warn city residents against leaving their cars unlocked while Christmas shopping. Overall, crime has been down over the last year since Mr. Lidstrom took office, with only a slight increase in assault and battery.

And in sports news, tailback Johan Franzen led the Lions to a 43-to-17 trouncing of the Tennessee Titans last night, running 137 yards to score three of the Lions' five touchdowns. Quarterback Kris Draper threw 27 for 30, and ran in the last TD himself on the option. Coach Pavel Datsyuk remarked that he is pleased with the Lions efforts to clean up their play, noting that the Lions were penalized for only 57 personal fouls, down from 92 in last week's win over the Giants.

So there you have it, folks - once we get the right people in charge, the city of Detroit and the state of Michigan are on their way back to reclaim their former greatness!

Bruck's (belated) Christmas Letter

We haven't sent out our Christmas cards yet. So for you VOB readers who are on our Christmas card list, keep checking your mailboxes - any day now! Not there today? Maybe tomorrow!

Meanwhile…

The father of Bruck's maternal grandmother (MGOFOB) and mother (MOFOB) were wonderful southern cooks, as I've noted in at least one prior column. I could list the typical contents (fried chicken, various greens, cornbread with cracklins, green beans cooked with bacon, sugar cookies with about a pound of sugar per, etc. etc.), but that wouldn't do it justice. You'll just have to take my word for it. The closest thing to it that we northerners might experience is the Cracker Barrel restaurants, which adequately capture the content but not the style. So if you know the Cracker Barrel cuisine (I'm not going to tell you what my kids call the CB, as I'm trying to keep this column rated G), try to picture it with a bit less salt and grease, and without the chain restaurant taste (is there some kind of chemical that all chain restaurants use to make their food taste alike?). That would get you in the ballpark. At any rate, Great-Grandma passed away in the late 70's, and her traditions were carried on by Grandma until not long before her death in the late 80's. I do miss them, but you can't live forever, and I think God put them on the Earth at the right time and for the proper duration. To this day, I still indulge in fried chicken when I can, although I realize that trying to find "the good stuff" anywhere besides Grandma's old dining room table in Warren, MI is at best a fool's errand. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

And for the benefit of my dear readers whose only source of news is the objective and unbiased Voice of Bruck News Service, the fine state of Michigan is presently in serious economic straits. We used to say that when the American economy gets a cold, Michigan's economy gets pneumonia. Lately I think it would be more accurate to call it economic pneumonia complicated by jock itch, kidney failure, halitosis, hepatitis, psoriasis-induced heartbreak, AIDS, and cancer. The reality of this situation has been made all the more clear during my recent visit to the Great Lake State over the holidays. The statistics don't lie (9.6% seasonally adjusted unemployment as of November, 113,000 jobs lost so far in 2008, over 14,000 foreclosures in November alone, Lions 0-16, mayor of Detroit in jail), but they tell only part of the story.

We arrived in the Detroit area on the Saturday evening before Christmas. As most normal people do when they return to their hometown, I put out my callsign on the local VHF repeater (the DART, 146.640/040, 100hz PL). Since it's wintertime in MI, I didn't hear crickets, but if there were crickets, that's all I would have heard. After plowing slush for a few miles on the Southfield Freeway, I tried again. This time I got Mark from Royal Oak. His callsign is in the mid KD8's, indicating that he's a relatively recently licensed radio amateur, as I'm sure you're aware. Mark informed me that the repeater has been pretty quiet lately, as just about everybody who used to use it is now laid off. Actually this isn't completely true - most of the people who used to use it are retired, but nonetheless, the normally active repeater has been uncharacteristically quiet.

It was good to see the old crowd at church Sunday. The economy was not a big topic of conversation - I get the feeling they'd rather focus on more upbeat topics during the holiday season - but the lunch they served for the homeless did attract in a large crowd.

I had lunch with my friend PW, who I know from that church, on Monday. We went to a basic family restaurant in Centerline, MI, near his office. PW expressed his hope that that particular restaurant survive the rough economic climate in SE MI. I thought this was a peculiar sentiment, but the twinge of doubt in his voice indicated his real meaning, clarified by his later revelation that the automotive supplier's offices where he worked were going to be consolidating and moving to another city in '09, and all of the local businesses were going to suffer, and many likely fail. PW ordered the cheeseburger; I ordered the fish and chips. This wasn't my first choice; I originally ordered fried chicken but was informed, some time after ordering, that they were out of fried chicken. "We're out of fried chicken," the waitress exclaimed abruptly.
"OK.. then could I have a menu again, please?"
"Oh, yes… let me get you one…"
But I wasn't really there for the quality of the food, nor the service or atmosphere; I was there to catch up on things with PW, one of the few remaining employees of the American automotive industry. PW kind of puts a face on the automotive bailout for me. If the president hadn't overridden congress and guaranteed some loans, PW would have almost certainly lost his contract, and as for 2010, ...?

On Tuesday, I had lunch with CF ("Honey Bunny") and his wife DF, both from my old radio club. CF, DF, and their daughter are all currently on the wrong side of the employment statistics, but at least CF hopes to get back on the job early next year. We dined at one of the Greek-owned family restaurants so prevalent in SE MI. I ordered the fried chicken, having been denied this self-indulgence the day before. No such luck here, either, but at least the waitress was polite about it. I got the chicken strips instead. Should have gone for the salad.

On Wednesday, Christmas Eve, I met DB, a fellow refugee of the failing US automotive industry. DB is gainfully employed by what seems like a viable if somewhat small software company. DB's observations resonated with what I've been thinking. DB is not a native Michigander, but has spent most of his life there, and of course I'm from there myself. Bottom line: DB and I know the people of MI. They will survive.
DB's position: maybe this recession/depression isn't such a bad thing. People need to be shaken up in order to bring out the best in them.
Bruck's position: you can transfer wealth, jobs, and tax base, but you can't transfer inner strength.
Two sides of the same coin I would say.

This reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with GC, a young man from Chicago who moved to Detroit in 2001 and moved back to Chicago in '06 or so. One of his contracts placed him near my place of business for a few months, during which we did lunch a few times. As a technical financial type (whose instinctive honesty should have landed him in the engineering profession), he paid close attention to, and expressed consternation over, the state of the economy in Detroit. Mind you, this was a couple of years before the current meltdown. Very logically he explained how the fundamentals don't add up, and how economic disaster was looming. I replied that yes, he was correct, disaster was right around the corner, but I had lived most of 40+ years in the Detroit area and could not remember economic disaster ever not being further away than right around the corner, and yet Detroit and the state of MI still plugged away.

Thursday - Merry Christmas!

Friday young David, son of Bruck, and I got our White Castle fix. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could also pick up some fried chicken there, killing two birds with one stone so to speak, as the White Castle restaurants have some kind of partnership going with Church's Chicken, and sometimes peddle their wares from the same grease pits. But not this time - the branch we visited on the corner of 13 Mile and Coolidge was sliders-only.

Saturday, I took the opportunity to shoot some skeet with JB, one of the numerous brothers-in-law of Bruck (BILOBs), and his father-in-law (FILOBILOB) DN. Actually it would be more accurate to say the in-laws were shooting skeet. I was just shooting little lead pellets into thin air, presumably somewhere near the skeet. Afterwards, I polled them as to their thoughts about the auto company bailout. Against the backdrop of the shuttered Wixom plant (where Ford assembled Lincolns and Jaguars) their sentiments resonated with those of a lot of people who are not directly employed by the US auto industry. Namely, the bailout won't do any good without some major restructuring; otherwise, all it's going to do is postpone the inevitable. I asked them if they thought Detroit will recover, and their unequivocal answer was yes. It might take a while, but certainly yes.

Bruck's perspective: this is what happens. I used to have a desk at the Wixom plant, as I oversaw several quality-improvement projects going on there, just a few short years ago, so believe me when I say, the cold emptiness of the closed plant is something I feel deep in my solar plexus. It used to be a beehive of activity, a very exciting place to work. But... this is what happens when people lose sight of the big picture, take their eye off the ball as it were. There's plenty of blame to go around: greedy unions, short-sighted management, congress, the Sloan School of Management, etc. etc. The various analyses I've read on the current economy add up to a whole lot of tiresome bloviating and finger-pointing. But one thing I've yet to hear is, "I screwed up." Seriously, have you heard anyone, anywhere admit any degree of personal culpability? Even more unlikely: "I'm sorry."

Meanwhile, I did my part to stimulate the MI economy - we did most of our Christmas shopping there, and wore the numbers off our credit cards at the various shooting facilities and restaurants. We're back in VA now, where things aren't quite so desperate economically.

I managed to get some fried chicken from KFC on New Year's Day. According to the mother of Bruck, it's good luck to have fried chicken, black-eyed peas, and stewed tomatoes on NYD. We got the chicken part covered anyway. I hope the good luck cancels out some of the Colonel's starch, grease, and salt. Happy New Year!

So what's the bottom line for MI? Well, there's only one way to go from here. But seriously, I know that MI will recover, and thrive. Might not be next week, or even next year, but MI will bounce back as strong as ever. I can't say how, or by what means, but it will happen. One thing I do know is that things will be different - to paraphrase Albert Einstein, you can't get out of trouble by doing the same things that got you into trouble. Bruck's suggestion: everybody in MI should go have a nice big plate of southern fried chicken. It may not fix the economy, but it's a good start!