Fairfax County Parkway Take Me Home

Steel belted radials, one hand on the wheel
Red Bull, STP, and gasoline
Elbow deep in mercury between two walls of pine
Fairfax County Parkway take me home

I've gotten lots of sage advice from geniuses and fools
From them I should have learned a thing or two
Like where the mama bear is waiting with her polaroid
Fairfax County Parkway take me home

License, passport, visa, favorite color, date of birth
Insurance, registration, next of kin
I haven't seen such a pretty face since Thursday afternoon
I was a younger, better man back then.

Refrain:
Fairfax County Parkway, take me home, take me home,
Or take me to a better place than this
Where rivers flow with coffee and the donuts grow on trees
And my new friend in blue might loosen up

I'm hoping you can tell me, as I really couldn't know
The needle broke off seven exits back
Now please don't take this personal, but what's a girl like you…
Fairfax County Parkway take me home

I'm not much good at small talk, never had a silver tongue
I'd sooner navigate as shoot the breeze
Pretty young thing like you shouldn't have to work the graveyard shift
Fairfax County Parkway take me home.

Refrain
Fairfax County Parkway, take me home, take me home,
Or take me to a better place than this
Where blue lights flashing only means that underwear's on sale
Six crew neck tees a dollar ninety nine

I know my rights as dramatized on late p.m. TV
The Constitution guarantees one call
But the only one I want to call is occupied right now
Informing her dispatcher of my case

She's taken darn near everything I've worked for all my life
Wallet, car keys, shoelaces and belt.
I tried to keep my dignity but no, she got that too
Fairfax County Parkway take me home

Refrain
Fairfax County Parkway, take me home, take me home,
Or take me to a better place than this
Where fetching girls with handcuffs and revolvers on their hips
Deliver law enforcement with a smile