Voice of Bruck News Service

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Friday, March 28, 2008

Questions for a Dead Guy

Last week, a fellow employee named James Fresnel (not his real name but he knows who he is) keeled over dead of a heart attack in his office, shortly after arriving at work. It wasn't his first heart attack, as I gather. I never met the man, and he was not a prominent public figure, so I'm not personally in mourning, but some friends of mine knew him, and it's not exactly party time around that office these days.

I would like to give him the opportunity to explain a few things to me and my fellow readers, to give him the chance to get in the last word, as it were. So, Mr. Fresnel, if this survey reaches you, wherever you are, please respond in a suitable fashion from the great beyond - maybe you could come in over my car radio on an unused frequency, or perhaps you could tap out coded messages to me on the water pipes in the middle of the night. Or you could whisper your answers in subtle modulations of the sounds of wind through the trees. I will then share them with my VOB readers and anyone else you like.

Did it come as a surprise? Were you prepared? If you had gotten some advance warning, what would you have done? Did you have any unfinished business? Any project in a state of incompletion? Unsettled scores? Things you meant to do but never got around to?

What were you feeling at the time of your demise? Discomfort? Pain? Melancholy? Rage? Regret? Relief? Victory?

I hear you left some family behind. Is there anything you would have wanted to say to them before your departure? Here's your chance - I'll be sure to print your responses here and bring them to their attention.

Where are you right now? Heaven? Hell? Purgatory? Sheol? Hades? Nirvana? Some afterlife that our religions have not yet conceived of? Or maybe the Hindus are right about reincarnation - are you now the newborn child of a Microsoft help desk operator in Bangalore, or his heifer's new calf? Really, if you can, anything you can tell us about the afterlife, we're dying to know. Sorry, poor choice of words.

Are there dogs in Heaven?

What about friends and relatives who have gone on before? Have you been reunited with any of them? Anyone you didn't want to see, for that matter? I've always sort of wondered - what would a guy do if his first wife _and_ his second wife were waiting for him on the other side?

Did your life flash before your eyes? What was that like? Did it happen instantly or did it take a little time? Anything interesting that you had forgotten about? Anything you wished you weren't reminded of?

They say, "you can't take it with you." Is that really true? Is there anything you wish you had with you now, that we might be able to provide? Bible? Crossword puzzles? A good flashlight and a shovel?

And finally, do you have any advice, specific or general, that you'd like to offer us here in the land of the living?

I realize this is a bit presumptuous on my part, asking you all these questions and we've never even met, but please understand that I am simply offering to you the opportunity to communicate anything you wish to those of us you've left behind. You may answer the above questions, or compose any other messages you'd like to share with us, and I will gladly publish them (providing they meet my relatively low standards of publishability), and otherwise convey them to anyone else you wish. Just another of the many services we offer at the Voice of Bruck News Service.

And even if I don't hear from you, may you rest in peace, and continue to live in the memories of the loved ones you left behind.

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