Good News from the Future!

Being as how at least eight of my approximately fifteen readers are from the Detroit, MI area, I thought you might be interested in reading the transcript of a WJR news broadcast from Tuesday, December 12th, 2012, which I intercepted on my shortwave receiver (broadcasts from the future come in every evening, pending favorable ionospheric conditions, on 17.145 Mhz, upper sideband, 0200-0300 GMT weekdays, 0200-0400 weekends). In a recent column, I related my insider/outsider perspective on the state of the MI economy, based on observations and conversations I had during my holiday visit there. Hopefully my faithful readers will be encouraged by this brief peek into the future:

…statewide, retail sales figures are up as the holiday season gets into full swing. Governor Bowman's office reports that unemployment in Michigan is at an all-time low, with 22,000 new manufacturing jobs created in November following the opening of the new Chevy Truck plant in Riverview. GM CEO Kirk Maltby projects a 17% increase in vehicle sales for the upcoming model year, and reports a seventh straight profitable quarter. Meanwhile, Ford Motor Company also reports a sales increase, and has regained its position as the world's #2 automaker, according to CEO and president Chris Chelios.

Detroit Mayor Tomas Holmstrom will be delivering his 3^rd state-of-the-city address tomorrow night; we will carry the exclusive broadcast right here on your flagship station WJR. The mayor will announce interim replacements for the four city council members convicted last month on bribery and racketeering charges. His short list is expected to include Henrik Zetterberg and Niklas Kronwall, and possibly Brad Stuart. Detroit Schools Superintendent Chris Osgood will follow the mayor with comments of his own, on the second straight year of double-digit increases in standardized test scores, and steady growth in high school graduation rates.

Police chief Niklas Lidstrom would like to warn city residents against leaving their cars unlocked while Christmas shopping. Overall, crime has been down over the last year since Mr. Lidstrom took office, with only a slight increase in assault and battery.

And in sports news, tailback Johan Franzen led the Lions to a 43-to-17 trouncing of the Tennessee Titans last night, running 137 yards to score three of the Lions' five touchdowns. Quarterback Kris Draper threw 27 for 30, and ran in the last TD himself on the option. Coach Pavel Datsyuk remarked that he is pleased with the Lions efforts to clean up their play, noting that the Lions were penalized for only 57 personal fouls, down from 92 in last week's win over the Giants.

So there you have it, folks - once we get the right people in charge, the city of Detroit and the state of Michigan are on their way back to reclaim their former greatness!