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Sunday, March 22, 2009

Back, by Popular Demand!

The previous entry from young David, Son of Bruck, generated rave reviews, so he's back, and IMHO, stronger than ever! Please join me in welcoming young David back to the VOB, as we enjoy another of his high school writing assignments, the current one requiring the students to write "rules" for the "religion" of Transcendentalism.

Survival in
a painfully
oppressive
society

A handbook of life’s rules to maintain a simple existence in accordance with transcendentalist principles.

By David --------
Period 5
February 15, 2009


RULE I

When traveling, take the scenic route to your destination.

It is very important to transcendentalists to take time from the pressures and complexities of life to enjoy the simplicity and comfort that can be found in nature. This is one of the main transcendentalist principles.



RULE II

If it is a matter of life or death, provide an organ transplant to someone you love.

Transcendentalists strongly believe in placing the lives of those you love above yourself. In this example, you are giving life to someone you love at an inconvenience to yourself.



RULE III

Do not create graffiti on the sides of public buildings

For transcendentalists, everything is interconnected. You are everything, you are everyone, you are god. The simple act of defacing a building connects back to you, so you are in fact spraying obscenities on yourself, as well as god.



RULE IV

Never worry about remembering things that you learn in school.

Knowledge and wisdom cannot be gained from a
book. In a book, one learns about knowledge and wisdom, and it has yet to be gained. To really learn, one must experience these things.






RULE V

Park on the wrong side of the road.

People should govern themselves. How can you
demonstrate that the government does not control you? The answer is simple. You should disobey the rules you disagree with. This does not mean that transcendentalists believe you should be able to smuggle serial murdering, drug-dealing, reckless driving illegal immigrants across the border. This only falls under the category of “civil disobedience.”


RULE VI

Avoid winning arguments because you are too prideful to admit a mistake.

Transcendentalists crave simplicity. One should never complicate the truth by being prideful and wrong.





RULE VII

Adopt a dog

If you are one with everything, nature, god, and people, it only make sense that you should be nice to everything. In this example, you are adopting a dog.






RULE VIII

Dress like a homeless person—unless the “homeless look” is in style.

Paying attention to how you dress is a very bad idea. Transcendentalists believe that you should never conform to society’s standards. In this case you are ignoring the standard of how society believes that you should present yourself.




RULE IX

Go camping at least once a year.

There is much beauty and peace to be found in nature, you should take a break every year and visit it for many reasons. In nature you can find peace, happiness, simplicity, and genuine goodness.




RULE X

Shut your eyes as you walk through the city.

For transcendentalists, city life and the complications that arise from it are poison. You should always avoid being influenced by the ways of city life.




RULE XI

Use clothes and style magazines as a template for how you should not live your life.

The one core transcendentalist principle is: CONFORMITY IS POISON.







RULE XII

Don’t bother checking if you received correct change after a transaction.

According to transcendentalists, human beings inherently have good intentions and they are good at the core. It should be assumed that someone did not rip you off.


RULE XIII

NEVER litter.

Littering goes against multiple transcendental beliefs. First of all, you should never destroy nature because it is a sacred thing. You should not litter because you are littering on everything if you litter on the ground.




RULE XIV

Do not become angry if your significant other cheats on you.

You should always put the lives of others you love above yourself. If that person loves someone else, you should support that without any fight and let them move on with their lives.



RULE XV

Learn how to “rough it” and survive on your own without the protective bubble of society.

Living off the land is one skill that most will never need in their lives. Transcendentalists, however, believe that this is important because you can be self-reliant and tougher than wimpy people from the city.

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